The Unattractive Reaction

Been on four dates with Vegas Victor. What a great guy. Very attentive, generous, thoughtful, conversational... I really have no complaints. Except that I am not attracted to him. And I truly wish I was. We connect so well intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. Just not physically. Can a budding relationship survive this? Does attraction grow over time?

On our fourth date, I needed to tell Victor that it was becoming clear my attraction for him was not growing, and that I saw him more as a close friend than anything else. He was making it clear he had romantic feelings for me, so I tried my best to bring this up delicately and with class. I was anticipating it to be somewhat awkward because it always is when you have to deliver a hard message... but I was NOT expecting the button-eye-popping kind of awkward.

Ann = "Victor, I have something hard to discuss with you, but it's important so I am going to try to get it out. It's become quite clear to me that I think of you more as a close friend than a romantic partner."

Victor = "Is it an attraction thing?"

Ann (Yes he asked that. I nearly vomitted) = "Well I feel like it's rude to say attraction is a problem. I would say that I am more attracted to you as a friend."

Victor, with hands framing around his face like a camera = "Is it my face??"

Ann (OHMYGOD did he just ask me that?!?!) = "No, we are not going there Victor."

Victor = "So are you saying there is no chance, now or ever in the future? You are 100% sure you will never want more than friendship with me, ever?"

Ann = "Umm... well Victor all I can say is how I am feeling right now. And right now I only feel for you as a friend."

Victor = "Well what's your definition of friendship?"

Ann = "I will have to really think that over."

As you can see, it didn't go well. I wasn't prepared for the questions. And we aren't talking at this point. Pretty crappy ending to what I thought was a very cool connection. Maybe I didn't handle it well?? Maybe time will smooth things over?? Ugh. I have pulled some of my yarn hair out over this one...

One Size Does Not Fit All

If a man's profile says he is 6'3", does that mean that once when he was wearing shoes and had his hair spiked up a bit he was measured at a friends house with non standardized devices to be somewhere in the proximation of a 6 footer? Sorry Chris... it was fun grabbing a beer with you the other night but if you exaggerate about your height it does not bode well either for your inteligence or your integrity. Being a bit harsh? Too 'raggedy' an edge on this topic? Sorry. Being a tall woman means being rejected a lot in the dating world because of your height. I am lashing out.

Please be accurate gentlemen with at least the length of your body's stature... within a plus-or-minus one inch deviation. That's all I ask.

For the record, I'm not height-prejudice. I have definitely dated men shorter than me. Stop laughing. Most of the world is shorter than me (particularly among the Central Americans). And I have had awesome loving relationships with shorter men. The caveat being that they like me and my height.

Dated Joey in high school and early college. He was a whopping 5'6". There was no hiding the height difference. Joey was very thick and muscular so I used to joke that our surface area was actually the same (if that perplexes you please google 'surface area' - it's a geometric joke). I dated another guy in recent years named Hayden who was 5'10". He loved my height and always asked me to wear heals, then paraded me around like I was his model. He was proud of it. And both men made me feel very feminine, and I like to think I helped them feel masculine.

The date with Chris was fine other than the fact that the height issue did seem to be... well... an issue. One size does not fill all. Next please.